I've decided

To get my house back in order... I need to be organized and I haven't been for quite awhile now. So I got my desk cleaned and organized and I'm doing storage areas now. Taking down Christmas decor and getting that organized into the totes and put away. I like knowing where every thing is. If my house is disorganized then I feel all out of kilter. Now if the sun would shine..... J

I actually did something...

Even though I didn't feel well because of an acid reflux flare, I still got quite a bit accomplished. I worked on sorting pictures for the 2009 album. As soon as I get them sorted I'll have to lighten some and crop some. Kind of felt good to be doing something.

Did not get the thankyou cards written out though.. I plan to do that tomorrow and hopefully go to walmart too. J

Christmas is done for this year..

I'm not sorry. It was a hard season for me. They say it gets easier. I doubt it. Don't want it to be easier. Don't ever want to forget.

But I am relieved that Christmas is over. Can't say it wasn't nice. We had some very nice times visiting with family and delivering presents. We had a good Christmas day with lots of thoughtful gifts. We ate dinner out,, I didn't even have to cook. But I'm glad it's over.

I checked my albums to see which pictures I need to print to finish up 2009 picture album.... and to my amazment I have not printed one single '09 picture. So everything I did and everywhere we went and every event needs some pictures printed and put in albums.. I started by making a list.

Now I'm tired. Need to go to bed because I hopefully will go shopping tomorrow. J

Christmas Eve

I'm really cold... I'll go lay on the couch soon with my electric throw. Wanted to drive around and look at the Christmas lights but neither one of us feel that well. Everything is wrapped and it all looks merry and bright. I try.

J

Slept good

It doesn't happen often but I'm thankful when it does. Still I'm tired. I actually think the pain pills are part of the reason I'm tired all the time. Just have to learn to live with it I spose.

Today I'm washing clothes, well actually I'm done with that. And I've printed out the transfers for the t-shirts. Will iron those on in a while. Next I'm going to straighten out the freezer. It's a mess and I don''t even know what's in there.

Wanted to bake pumpkin bread but maybe not today. Want to make it sugar free so I can eat some. J

One Year

Today it's been one year since we had Kiko's memorial service. Can't believe a year has passed. The whole thing is so vivid in my mind. I have heard pain dulls, but it doesn't happen in a year I know that. And I doubt it will ever happen. I don't even want it to dull. I want it to always stay sharp, to cut to the quick as a reminder of who he was and his great capacity to care for others. My greatest sadness is that he didn't have the time to do all that he dreamed about. He didn't have the time to show the world how fantastically talented he was. I will never stop crying.

J

A better day

I had a little more energy today.. who can say why? Maybe I slept better. Maybe it's because I've cut out a lot of the junk food. Maybe it's because the pain was more under control. Whatever it was I could use a few more days like this.

Did I tell you we ordered a new mattress? That should help some too. Forgot which day it's to be delivered.

I wrapped Christmas presents today... didn't finish though.

J

I feel sluggish

The last few days I've been cooking and baking... guess what goes along with that? Yes!!! AND EATING!!! love to eat and love to cook and love to bake.

But also I'm not feeling well, not sleeping well and feel all fat and sluggish. My blood sugar has spiked and fallen and spiked again. I absolutely cannot let this get out of control. It's the one main thing I must concentrate on.

And so I've decided, beginning this morning, it's back to my good old low carb way of eating. I know I feel better when I stay away from the sweets. Even artificial sweeteners cause cravings and bingeing for me... not to mention a whole myriad of other problems. Woke up at 3:30 a.m. Had pain in all my joints. Finally just had to get up. But now of course I'm sleepy. J

I'm so slow.

Took half a day to make a pasta/chicken salad and two pies. One pie met the disposal and the other is in the fridge. Tomorrow is the family xmas potluck. Looking forward to it.

Tired tonight.

J

Going through the motions..

I have the whole inside of the house decorated.. have a tree and a pointseitta plant on the porch.. Mac will decorate in front one day this week... It will look bright and cheerful. I do like to look at the decorations but I'm still sad that Kiko isn't here to decorate and to share the joys with..

I have part of my xmas shopping done. Might finish this week,, probably not.

J

Christima is coming

It's a time that used to excite me.. I loved decorating, cooking, shopping and wrapping presents. I loved the sights, sounds and smells.... People seemed more friendly, more caring,, nicer. But I've lost those feelings. I shared so much with Kiko. Not that I loved him more than the others but we were together more, we shared more. He loved Christmas just like I did. And now he's not here. So many memories. With whom shall I share them now? Everyone has their own lives. It's not the same anymore. '

I'm decorating because I know Kiko would want me to. But it's not the same. Never will be the same again.

J

Thanksgiving

We're going to Ramons today. I cooked a turkey and will take a big container of that. Made some low carb stuffing, but only a little as most eat the regular stuff. I made a jello salad with diet cran/grape juice instead of the aspartame laced Jello.. And I did a nice big Christmas cake. Wanted to do some jello pies but pooped out. Got too tired. Knee hurt.

Today is the 26th.. one year since Kiko died. Can't believe that happened. I've never had such deep pain. And it's not letting up. Hate it when people say Time heals.. that's bs no amount of time will heal this pain. Don't even want it to be healed. Don't ever want to have a time that this isn't painful.

Must get ready.
J

Overwhelming..

Sometimes life just seems to be overwhelming. So much I need to do, some things I want to do.. a few things I have to do,, but it's just too much. I feel like I'm drowning and can't get out. The really hard thing is I see no end to this. Is this the way life is going to be from now on? When one gets older they don't like to waste the unknown amount of time they have. Still we sit here day after day waiting for what?

I know I can't do everything all at once. But I also know the longer I let things go the harder it will be to get it together. I like organization. I hate loose ends and messy cupboards. I feel out of control when my house is not organized. Even my closets are a mess. I have macs stuff in my closet and my things are pushed so tightly to one end I can't even find anything. And everything is horribly wrinkled. Cupboards are sloppy and hard to find things and don't even think about the refrigerator. I know these sound like little things but they add up and they make me feel disorganized and disoriented. Hate it. Don't function well like this.

But I'm also very tired all the time and in pain most of the time. I sleep about 3 hours tops and find myself so lacking sleep I drift off at the computer or watching television. No energy because of no sleep. Everything I do is forced. How can I change this.???

Yesterday I forced myself to keep going. I went shopping, put the groceries away, helped hang the curtains, did my exercises and made a new pie recipe. It was all so very hard and so little compared to what I could do just a few months ago.

Will call the dr today. Think I have a bladder or urinary tract infection. Maybe not, don't know. Maybe I just need to move around more and drink more water. Those two things are key to having ones body function as designed.

Sleepy .... J

Sleepy

Haven't been keeping up on the blogs.. haven't been keeping up on much of anything. Nothing seems all that important. Why dust? I did hang one curtain today. J

My knee is getting better..

I'm able to exercise some without pain. Course the other knee hurts like hell. I know it needs replacing too but don't think I can face that right now. I'm still walking with a limp and am trying to be aware of that.. maybe if I'm aware I can stop the limping.

Thanksgiving is next week.. not gonna be an easy week. It hasn't been an easy month. Wonder if anyone is remembering?

Christmas is coming soon. I can't get motivated, no enthusiasm.

Probably should just go to bed now. J

I spoke too soon

My knee hurt so much during the night.. think it got cold. Wasn't too bad yesterday and I was bragging but in the night and this morning it's not so good.. but then all my joints hurt today.

Must finish getting the box ready to send for Josh and I want to make a floral arrangement today. Didn't sleep well though so don't know how much I will get done.

Mac woke everyone up at 1 a.m. saying he smelled something burning... I didn't smell anything. I also never went back to sleep after that so I am majorly tired.

J

What's new?

Not much.. My knee is not hurting near as much... in fact if it were only the knee, I'd probably not need many pain pills. I'm finding my back is hurting more than anything. I know I was having back problems before surgery and I know the shots in the spine probably didn't help, but does it have to hurt this much? I've started back on my back and leg strengthening exercises. Hope they will help.

Jenny

Sleep

I actually slept a little better last night. Still woke a zillion times with pain but slept in between times. Also was able to sleep for about half an hour on the other side. My shoulder and hip have been hurting so much from just sleeping one way.

There's a lady in my WW group who had knee replacement the day before I did. She's getting ready to have the other one done in December. I don't want to do my other one. I may have to some day but right now I just need to let this first one get well and see how I do. Don't want to go through that again if I don't have to.

I've been able to skip the middle of the night pain pill.. hate taking so many of those things. And yesterday I got on the exercise bike. This is the third time I tried and I'm happy to say it didn't hurt as much. I was able to do half a mile. Also for the first time I was able to do my back exercises and the knee strengthening ones I used to do before. What I really want to do is be able to drive and to walk around the stores.

J

Still not up to par...

This knee surgery was a heckka lot more than I thought it would be. It's been a little over five weeks and I'm still not doing too well. Incision is healed and it looks like I won't have a horrible scar... but inside it's definitely not well. Today it feels like the whole knee jumped the track. Like the hinge isn't working. Lots of pain with each step. Got the walker out to use again. Have not been needing it but today each step is painful. I'm really tired of it. I feel like a prisoner. Can't drive cause it's my right knee. I just want it overwith now. I know I'm impatient but some people are back to doing things within 5 weeks... course most are not from what I read. One reason I guess it's taking me so long is because all the ligaments, muscles and surrounding tissue was torn, pulled and like the doctor said, "Just plain shot".... All that has to rebuild.

We are now in November... it's a sad month. Very very sad. I'll get through it. Wondering if anyone else has thought about the sadness? Everyone is so busy. I guess it's good to be busy. I can't seem to get into anything. No crafts, no plans, nothing.

I do want to lose at least 4.5 pounds before Thanksgiving.. sometimes I don't remember that when I'm hungry though.

Tomorrow we are going to costco. Mac borrowed the parks wheel chair as we know I would never be able to walk it. Doctor wanted to give me a disabled permit but I refused. I'm starting to rethink that decision though. I guess if I had it, doesn't mean I'd HAVE to ALWAYS use it. I hate seeing healthy people use up the disabled spots.

J

Tired

Still not sleeping and still having too much pain. J

4 weeks

Yesterday was four weeks since my knee surgery .... it looks a lot better but still hurts a lot. I can do more though. Today I stopped using the walker and used a cane. I also did 1/3 mile on the exercise bike. And I made quiche for dinner. Getting stronger. J

If anyone asks..........

about knee surgery tell them it REALLY hurts. Here I am over three weeks since knee surgery and I'm still taking pain medication every four hours. I'm also not sleeping because there is only one way I can lay ( sometimes) and be comfortable. And those times are never more than an hours duration. This is not a fun time.

Ask me if I'll do knee number two... just ask. I will only do it under the condition I cannot walk, the pain never quits and I never sleep. The knee I did needed to be done. The other one? Don't think so.

I'm so very tired. The pain is wearing me down. Lack of sleep is taking it's toll on me.

J

After the fact

They tell me surgery went well. That was a week ago. I'm still bruised, swollen and unable to walk without a walker. Found out my blood is sticky.. fun stuff. They had put me on coumindan as a precaution when they did the surgery. Have to go twice a week for blood work. Last time I went they upped the coumindn. Don't like that.

Too many pain pills keep my head in a fog and it's hard to type and even to think. Hard to focus so it's hard to read.

I''ve gone back to good low carb way of eating. I got off it about a year ago... Pretty sure that's why my blood isn't as good as it was.

Trying to wait till ten for a pain pill.. I am prescribed 1 or 2 evry four hours. I never take two at a time but sometiimes i do take them at three hoour intervals. I see the mistakes but am too tired to fix them. J

Oh my I'm tired

Had to go to the doctor, get another xray of my knee... then to the hospital for pre-registration. All in all it took so very long. I was starving and in a hekka lot of pain. Tomorrow I get the new knee. Not looking forward to more pain but at least there's an end to that pain. Won't blog for a few days I guess.. J

getting there.

Today I went for blood work... tomorrow I see the surgeon and go to the hospital for the pre-check in or whatever that is they call it. Tomorrow night I fast and Wednesday morning I go to the hospital but I don't know what time yet... I'll find out tomorrow. Getting anxious and yet I want it overwith.. pain is getting to be too much to bear. I'm sure the worst part of surgery is the anxiety just beforehand. Can't remember having anxiety like this for any other surgery.


J

Oooops falling down

on the job.

Haven't posted for a few days but maybe that's cause I had nothing to say... we did go and take the flowers to the cemetery.. glad I went as the others were faded. Hate faded flowers in the cemetery. I will probably take new ones again around Nov 1st. I want to make a holiday arrangement next time.

Cleaned house somewhat yesterday.. a lick and a promise, but that's good enough. Both Mac and I feel like we did too much but we didn't. The problem is we haven't been doing near enough.

Ramon and his family came today and brought everything for lunch.. That was the nicest thing anyones done for me in a very long time. So good to spend some time with them. They brought us a combined birthday present.. a wii. I wonder if I can learn how to operate it. I think I can. It looks like fun.

Tomorrow is a day off.. Monday fasting blood work. Tuesday an appt with the orthopedist and the hospital pre reg... then wednesday my new knee.. Boy do I dread this.. but also want to get it done. J

The day is done

My birthday. Hm don't feel any older than yesterday. Had calls from Lola and Ramon. Had facebook greetings from Elena and Gloria, Jacob, monica, julie and Jessi. That's nice. Got a lot of nice cards yesterday and a pretty one from mac today... that's good.

Got all the green lights for surgery on wednesday... hate it but will be glad when it's over. Need this new knee now.

Tomorrow we will take the wreath to put out for Kiko...

Now it's time to go to bed. J

Yesterday...

we took Jerri for another appt with the SSI doctors. Hope they get it all together soon. I tend to think they just might approve her the first time but if they don't we will contest it. or appeal it, whatever one has to do when they don't agree with the decision

We went to costco and bought chicken broth and dried apricots.

We went to trader joes and bought salad mix.. so much cheaper there than anywhere else.

Today we are going to the casino for dinner... hard to eat there and lose weight. Whatever.

J

Did not do

housework.

Didn't do anything. Went shopping for a few things.. stopped at safeway for grapes. They were on sale. I like them frozen. Just like eating a sweet mini popsicle.. so delicious. High carb but don't seem to bother me unless I eat too many of them.

What else did I do? Nothing. Didn't cook cause there were too many leftovers. Maybe I'll cook tomorrow.. maybe not cause we are to be gone to Redding at dinner time. We won't be able to go out and eat after Jerris appt because that would mean being gone too long for the dog. We'll have to leave here about 3:30, her appt is 4:30. They told her it could be two hours long. That would be 6:30, then half an hour to get home, 7PM.... that's long enough to leave the dog. Might cook something in the morning that we can just warm up when we get home. We'll figure it out.

Ok well it's almost my bedtime and it will be time by the time I get through the process... brushing teeth and all that stuff.

J

What to write

When there's nothing to write?

I slept good, thanks to a whole pain pill. I never take a whole one but I was so tired and needed sleep. Been a long time since I slept decent.

Wonder what's up with the dog? He's been having to go out two times every night. I actually think it's because he wakes up with people going in and out. And sometimes my moving all around trying to get comfortable bothers him.

Not supposed to be hot today... should do some housework. I'd like to get it cleaned up before I have surgery. It's getting pretty bad. J

Short post again

Hot in here... air off at 85 degrees. geesh. what the heck..

Went for the artery scan. The girl said it looked good to her.. so I'm not gonna worry about it. I've been checking my blood pressure and it's been fairly good so am not gonna worry about that either.. Just want to get the knee done and the pain overwith. I know it will be more pain for a little while but hopefully once that's over things will get better. I need to be able to get out and drive.. hate being dependant.

Going to bed and put the fans on.

J

I did it

Passed my drivers license with flying colors. Missed one question but I actually knew the answer to that one too. So one thing less to do this week. Tomorrow it's the artery scan. Monday Jerri has an appt in redding with the psychologist for SSI... Wed she has an appt with general assistance and friday there's something else I've forgotten what. Either tues or thurs I want to go to the cemetery... bought flowers and stuff to make a halloween arrangement for Kiko. He absolutely loved halloween.

Need to go to bed now.
g'nite. J

Not gonna write much

Cause I'm really very tired. Ate more protein today but that doesn't seem to make any difference.. I bet it's the pain pills that keep me tired. Took only half last night and half twice today. Still tired. J

Report...

Ok so I went to the cardiologist. Did not like the male receptionist,, he was sour. Did not like the girl who called me in, she too was sour.. And she pinched my arm with the blood pressure cuff. I told her it hurt and she just kept on. Obviously she needed a bigger cuff or she needed to learn how to put it on right. She kept going till I told her That really HURTS. Still she didn't stop and so I said OK that's one sure way to make my blood pressure go up. And guess what. It went up. I have never had blood pressure so high. Then she grabbed it and checked on the other arm. I tried to relax so it wouldn't be so high but it was high anyway.

Still I did like the cardiologist. She seemed caring and knowledgeable. She had copies of my records there with the blood tests I'd had done about 3 months ago. She said the LDL was a little too high and that I needed to bring it down. It wasn't high enough to warrant medication though... They did an EKG and that was fine. She cleared me for the surgery but told me if I get in there and my blood pressure is that high they won't do the surgery. I'll be checking it daily for a few days. If it's higher than usual I'll go see my doctor and see about getting a bit more medication for it. But for now surgery is still scheduled for the 23rd...

J

Tomorrow is it?

Tomorrow should be the deciding factor on if I'm going to have my surgery on the 23rd or not. I'll see the cardiologist in the morning and should have some idea then. Scan isn't till friday but I'm fairly sure she will know if it's something or probably nothing. I'll be glad when tomorrow is over I think.

Boring nothing kind of day... a bit of yard work but nothing I can call exercise. Food was boring too. And I'm finding myself wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier. I think the pain pills are sapping my energy. Today I skipped the after noon dose.. I'm going to cut down on them as much as I can. Of course when I have to go shopping or somewhere I have to walk a lot I'll probably always have to take them. Not sure getting the knee fixed will be enough. Back still has a problem that can't be fixed.. just have to deal with it.

J

Eeeek and egads...

I forgot to post something here yesterday... whoops. I thought I had posted. Maybe it was something else I was thinking of.. my mind gets scattered sometimes and I dont know what I'm doing.

So what did I do today? Went to trader joes and the dollar store. Not really anything exciting. Came home and had sorta pizzas. Washed two loads of clothes and got those hung.. then I went out in the back and pruned a few things that were getting out of hand. I pruned the crepe myrtle a little bit. It wasn't looking like a tree but rather like a very unruly bush.. didn't trim it all because I didn't want to cut off the flowers. but it does look much better out there now.

See the cardiologist on tuesday...

J

Hey it's getting cloudy...

What do clouds tell me? It tells me winter isn't far away.... I am not ready for it...nor am I ever ready for cold, cloudy, rainy weather.. I hate damp.

I went for the blood work and the xray.. They changed my cardiologist appt to tuesday morning instead of afternoon. That's good.

I made an apple crisp with a teensy bit of stevia, a teensy bit of brown sugar twin and of course the apples are canned with splenda. I ate a bit, not more than half a cup and it wasn't 15 minutes until I got a headache. Dang. All sub sugars are doing that to me now. Can't figure out what to do for sweets. I know we don't really need sweets but I love them. I know I used 1 t. of real sugar in my yogurt one evening and my blood sugar went up. What to do.. what to do?

Making chicken for dinner.. I'm hungry too so think I'll go get that started. J

Well darn...

Ok so I went for the ekg.. and then the doc listened to my carotid arteries and guess he didnt like the way they sounded so I now have an appt with a cardiologist and have a scan of the arteries scheduled before I can get clearance for the surgery... hopefull the scan will show NOTHING. Two more appts on top of the four thousand we already have scheduled. I'm tired. Another early morning tomorrow... going for blood work and a chest xray... gotta go to bed in a few minutes. Maybe I'll sleep better tonight.

I walked all around walmart without the basket to lean on. Forced myself to walk. And I did five minutes on the exercise bike but the seat is too low and it really bothered my knee. I'll raise the seat tomorrow and try again. Hate the fact I've had no exercise for so long.. no wonder things are getting clogged.

J

Went to a class

for people who are going to get knee replacement surgery... It was interesting and I learned lots of stuff. Tomorrow I go have an EKG and get my doctors clearance for surgery. I really really hate the thought of surgery but I don't think I have much choice. If I wait much longer I won't be able to walk. It's hard now. I'll be glad to be able to move around again.

Things here are not good.. not getting better. J

Ok I did it..

Went to the orthopedist office and got things done... surgery is set for the 23rd. I'm actually looking forward to it even though I know there is considerable pain afterward for awhile... but once that pain is done, the knee should be ok and not hurt anymore and my leg should be straight again. Just want this episode done... hoping everything else gets done at some point VERY soon too.

J

No word

from the orthopedist office... I'm going over there AGAIN tomorrow and this time I'm going to tell them to put someone on it NOW. Enough is enough.. Not happy they are taking too long. I'm sorry the girl who does that had a family emergency but it's time they used someone else to do her job.. do not like waiting.

I'll lettya know what I find out... bedtime for me now. J

My tummy is

a little better... I ate a little bit of food. Still haven't been able to drink coffee.. I've done nothing again today. Have been looking at amazon.com to try and find a decent portable exercise bike.. you know the one that just has pedals and no seat.. you can also use it on the table for arm exercise.. I think that would be good. I was trying to read the reviews... hard to do. Some like this one and some don't.. who to believe? J

I just think..

It's cruel and selfish to start a fight with someone who is ill.

J

Is there a difference

Need a new knee.... but that may not happen as soon as I wanted it to..

J

ok

So I learned something... I learned an internist is a general practitioner.... I did not know that. Really I didn't. But I do know now. So I spose the doctor Jerri is going to first is gonna check her over and if he needs to have more information he will send her to an orthopedist for her arm. I was thinking they would set her up initially with an ortho doc because we told them her arm/shoulder was messed up.. but should have known they wouldnt just take our word for it. I think it's standard to go to a gen doc and then go from there based upon his/her recommendations. Also standard to have a psychological exam... so that's where we are. J

Moving right along...

Another appt for sept 14th.. this time a psychological evaluation. Still waiting for the appt for the arm.

J

Could it be?

The answer?

Jerri has an appt with the SS doctor (internist) sept 9th... it's a start. Course that has nothing to do with her arm... but it is a start.

J

Still no answers

Went to the orthopedists office but the girl who is supposed to set things up and send me the info wasn't there again. Seems she's had a family emergency so hasn't been to work this week.. so everything is on hold till she gets back I spose. If I don't hear something this week I'm going back and tell them someone else better do it... surely she's not the only one in there who can set things up. It's a big office. Lots of people work there.

Lots of other stuff too but complaining does no good. J

Wednesday

It's been a week since I saw the othopedist... should have heard something by now. I think I'll go over there this morning and find out what's up. My doctor says he hasn't gotten anything either.

Still have the problem of the car which won't sell... the ssi which are backlogged and it's anybodys guess when they'll get around to Jerri.

I have the solution

to the problems... the solution is money. Now, the next problem is how to get the money? J

You know... I remember

when I wasn't so sure of myself... when I thought I deserved the unhappiness I had. When I thought I was fat because I had no will power... when I thought I wasn't as bright or smart as other people. When I had no hope of ever being able to survive on my own.. And lots of other negatives too... like I thought I was ugly. I grew up feeling so ugly. Not many people ever told me I was pretty. I didn't have the figure, the hair the big eyes, nothing. I did not have it. I was a plain jane wallflower sit in the corner at the school dances type of person. My growing up years were not so much fun. Then I had my family... still had insecure feelings. Self esteem was at zero or below. But then something happened. I began to read and read and read. I got a computer and went online. I met people who showed me how wrong I had been. How I had let people put negative stuff in my mind.... Now I know who I am. I know there is nothing wrong with my head, my heart or my body. I am as good looking as anyone. I am worth all that I deserve... and I deserve everything. I am me. I am ok. I love me. Wheeeeeeee what a freeing feeling. J

Saturday morning

I just relisted Jerris car on Craigslist... boy I wish it would sell. Actually I wish we could get it fixed for her, but that's not possible. It's a fairly nice looking car, quiet motor... but needs a transmission, motor mounts and smogging. Too much money for us right now.

Tummy doesn't hurt so much this morning... never will I eat the double fiber english muffins again.

Blood sugar was great this morning though..

Sun is out and it was 74 degrees at 5 a.m. when I got up. Gonna be a hot one again today. Seems like we've had a lot of hot days.

J

Ooooooh...

I have a horrible tummy ache. Cramps and pains.. I will never eat double fiber english muffins again.

This is one time I'd just love to fart.

J

Ok

Lost 2.5 pounds this week.. that is not too shabby.

Went to walmart and walked around a bit... not very exciting. Still haven't learned to walk in the thongs.. no not underwear... my shoes. Flip flops or whatever you call them. Things change daily.

Easier to come up the front steps instead of the back. Two railings there to pull myself up with. Much easier actually.

I started embroidering my table top thingie yesterday.....ooops I don't have very steady hands.

J

I'd say....

by my calculations, it's time for bed. I know what the clock says. Don't care. My body says it's time and so therefore it is....

So the orthopedist says my knees are shot.......... hello. I knew that. But seriously I liked him ok and was glad he said we'd get it set up as soon as possible. I've already wasted too much time waiting for whatever. I'm thinking it will be done by mid September. Hope so.

Isn't this a grand blog?

g'nite...
J

I am so proud of me....

It was a crappy day with many things trying my patience and stressing my mind. In the recent past I would have run to the refrigerator and gobbled anything and everything in sight. Of course the day isnt over and I already know there's going to be more stress shortly... so maybe I shouldn't brag yet.. but no I will brag because I know I won't turn to food. What good would it do? Will the stress be less? Will it solve anything? Nope.

I stuck to my plan the whole day and ya know what??? I like me better for it. More respect for myself. I am strong. J

Skipped

yesterday... maybe I didn't have anything to say. Probably not. I was irritated most of the day for whatever reason. I like some quiet non moving parts of the day. I like quiet. I'm so worn out I worry about myself. Have been trying like everything to get my body, mind and health back in some sort of decent shape. I feel as though I'm working against the wind...    j

Tired.........

I think it's my bedtime.. I got up very early this morning and I walked around a lot today.. Just feel tired.

J

The 15th...

Half of this month is over... what have I done with it. Will Christmas decorations be in the stores soon? This morning I was remembering....

Kiko was so proud of the fact that I'd lost weight. Of course he always thought I could do anything. So this is giving me encouragement to get these ugly ten pounds off that I gained late last year. And also to get rid of a few more. I am determined.

Cool this morning... Going to Redding to pick up Macs glasses... then to walmart for a few things. I'm not buying many groceries until we get the freezer emptied a bit and the cupboards cleaned out. Then we'll start over. Just buying the have to's for now, like milk and veggies, that sort of thing. J

And now...

I've just finished my lunch... but before that.. I went to the store and bought veggies and some fruits. Put that stuff away and cleaned two bunches of radishes for me and the dog. Washed, peeled and cut up two cantaloupes. Got some pork out of the freezer for dinner. Washed a load of clothes for me. J

Ok

So I've had two cups of coffee... read my non email, checked the sites I always check, posted where I always post... turned off the night light, opened up the shades, turned on the table top fountain and here I am... waiting to get in to take a shower... hungry this morning. J

Thursday

Today I'll cut out the table covering and draw the pattern on the material. Will be good to get something started. I found the nicest fringe to put on the ends. Was going to look for a heavy cotton lace but then saw this fringe that matches just perfectly.

Jerri goes to the doctor today....

I couldn't believe the temperature this morning when i got up was 78... no wonder I was hot all night. It's dropped to 75 now.

My shoulder hurts.

J

Same ole.. same ole

Every morning I'm asked, "Did you sleep?"... and the asker never waits to hear my answer.. I've gotten so I answer.. "Same as yesterday.".... but what I'd really like to say is in the form of a question. When someone asks if I've slept, I'd like to say...."Did my knee get fixed?"

I should be nicer.
J

Wednesday morning

Feels cool sitting by the sliding doors. Was good to leave them open all night. It's so hot during the day but cools really good at night. I hear a train. And the sound of the quail as they make their way through the park. I like mornings. Well, I like mornings before anyone gets up. I've also found that I love to go to bed really early, close the door, put on the fans and leave only a teensy light on. Can't hear any outside noises, no television, nothing... peaceful. Don't get to do that very often.

Going to Walmart today for material to make the table runner with. And I'm not going to worry about the pound I gained.

What would taste good with a baked potato? That's on the lunch menu for today. For me, that's enough. Will pile it high with sour cream and chopped red onion. If I had cilantro I would use that with salsa. Yum. But a potato isn't enough for anyone else to eat. phooey. Maybe I'll boil hotdogs. I don't want any.... I just want the potato.

J

Too late...

I'm tired. Today seemed to be long. I did absolutely nothing. Maybe that's why it was a long day. Will do better tomorrow.. J

In a nutshell

Got the hoops... needles.... embroidery thread and some toys for the dog.. made wraps for lunch and cream of tomato soup for dinner..

Hot hot hot day today... still hot tonight. 94 now at 9 pm..

J

I love sleep

And I slept fairly good. Woke several times but managed to get in a good position and fell back asleep. Sometimes I think a person gets so tired they can sleep through anything.

Going to Redding today... want to stop at Micheals and see if anyone there knows what an embroidery hoop is. grrrr. I should have kept mine. I let myself be talked out of a lot of things at one time. Doesn't happen anymore. Maybe it's because I'm old or maybe it's because I finally know better. Whichever ....... I like me better now than I ever have before. J

A Nothing day

I did nothing today... well not quite nothing but certainly wasn't anything to brag about. I know I've been hungry today and I hate that. Must plan better tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be hard meal wise cause we're going to redding. We'll be gone I know at lunch time. Won't be able to stop and get anything so I think my breakfast should be bigger than usual... we never stop and get anything anymore cause we can't leave the dog that long.     He's a good dog.

Warmer today... warmer still tomorrow. Gonna order new sunglasses tomorrow. Want snazzy frames. Want biggish ones too that will keep more of the light out. Want new glasses to but don't need them. Just tired of the ones I have... but wont get new ones now.

Want some shoes that don't hurt my feet.

J

Forgot

You know sometimes I forget what I do... yesterday I reported a few things but then got to thinking I did a lot more than that.. yep I did. I remember I cleaned off my desk, used endust on the dining room table and my desk. Scrubbed my computer chair. Did dishes. Took the dog out a number of times. Picked up the stuff laying around. Cleaned the kitchen. Made the cauliflower salad and cleaned the fridge inside in every corner. Cut up some fresh veggies. Whatever...

I still want to make another t-shirt.. this time it's going to say.... I do what I do.. J

This day is done....

Never to return... what did I do with it? Almost nothing. Scales are up.. joy and fun. Most likely the sodium from last night.

Tomorrow is another day...want to go buy the material for the table scarf.... also want an ear of corn before the summer is gone and I haven't had any. Didn't have any last year either. Gonna do that tomorrow. That's gonna be my project. Lol Buy Corn. I don't boil it though, that just makes it tough and tasteless. I LOVE it cooked in the microwave with a few of the husks left on. Yep I'm gonna do it...

living dangerously in my old age...

J

grrrrrrrr

I worked my butt off cleaning the refrigerator, chopping up veggies and making a cauliflower salad. Pain got so bad I had to sit down for awhile. ...

J

So tired...

Slept good till about 1:30... woke up with pain in my knee. Was just starting to get comfortable when I heard the dog about to throw up. We got him up and he did throw up but just a very little bit, poor little thing. He looks at me like he can't figure out why I don't fix it.... After that I didn't go to sleep because I was listening for him... I really need one night to sleep a few more hours. Three hours doesn't do it.

The mornings seem cooler... sort of like the beginning of fall. Maybe it's just because we had a couple of not so hot days. I shudder to think cold is just around the corner. How I hate cold. I was sincerely hoping we could go to Arizona this winter, at least for the month of January. Doubt that will be possible now.

I need a table cover for the table that's below the pictures I put on the wall in the living room. Yesterday I was looking at the little cloth thingie I have on the coffee table. I made that years ago when I was working nights at the shelter. I think I should make one like it for this table. It's a very light tan,, a neutral color, reversible to brown. There's a few light yellow and white flowers embroider on it and some greenish leaves. It's not bright.. sort of muted really. Might get started on that. It's something to do. J

Ate at the casino

It's a buffet. Half price for seniors on Tuesday and Thursday.... Surprisingly the food was particualarly good.. well except for the eggplant parmesan. It was not so good.

Dog hasn't thrown up since this morning... but I still worry cause he hadn't thrown up last night since very early in the day and he still threw up in the wee hours of the morning. He drank a bit of water and ate a bit of food. We didn't give him very much.

I'm tired. Haven't been sleeping well because of the pain. Have a pretty bad pain in my ankle right now. Pain pain pain... so much non fun.

Going to bed.........J

Oh boy I'm getting concerned

Yesterday I only fed the dog some rice and cottage cheese. He seemed fine and hadn't thrown up since about 9 a.m. He played good last night and acted completely normal.

This morning at 5a.m. I was sleeping comfortable after a hellish night of being too hot and intense knee pain... when all of a sudden I felt a warm gush on my lower back. Poor doggie threw up something fierce. We had to get up, I had to jump in the shower to wash it off my back and then we had to change the bed... but now I'm worried....

Not only did the vomit contain cottage cheese and rice undigested, it also contained something reddish color. Couldn't tell if it was blood. Don't know. He's back to sleep now and seems to feel ok but I think we need to call the vet today and see what's going on. This is long enough.

I also have the strange suspicion someone might have given him some food other than the rice and cottage cheese. In fact that other person many times gives him things I don't want him to have. If in fact I find that to be the case I am going to be angry... yes I am.

J

Cooking rice...

White rice. Dog is sick. Last night he ate 3 phazyme capsules... today he's throwing up everything. Must be careful what we drop. Lots of that kind of stuff around now, plus other things that could be more dangerous.

Remember when....

We didn't have to worry about what we ate? No problems with sodium, fat, carbs or fiber? Remember when retaining fluids were something old ladies worried about?

I hate this... would rather think of something more fun... like where we're going on our Reunion 2 cruise.. heh heh heh.

J

Ok well

Not too sure about the pb2.... not too bad, but definitely not good old fashioned fat filled satisfying peanut butter.. I think it's usable and will taste good in some things.. but never will take the place of the full fat stuff.

Last night or earlier today I said I would stick to the lower fat/higher carb eating for a week more.... but when I got on the scales and saw they were up again, I had to face the facts. I simply have to go back to my low carb way of eating. Hard to do sometimes but must be done.

Going to bed now. Tired. J

Yea...

I got my PB2 in the mail today... haven't opened it or tasted it. Can't try it mixed in my yogurt cause I'm out of yogurt. And it does look sort of funny. I mean have you ever seen a powdered peanut? But I'm game to try anything. Calories are much lower than full fat peanut butter. I'll try it and letya know. J

Tomorrow is a new day

And with a new day comes a new plan... I am determined to get stronger. How? Well it won't be easy. But I've been thinking. I walked fairly well today at Costco... but I took 2/3 of a pain pill before we left. So if I do that again tomorrow I should be able to walk the same amount. At least I'm going to try. And I'm not sure counting calories is the way to go instead of carbs but I think I'll try it at least for one more week. This week, starting tomorrow I will cut out the peanut butter and the cream in my coffee. I do have some PB 2 coming in an order and will try that, but the calories are much lower than reg peanut butter. Anyway that's my new plan... walk some every day. And cut out those two foods.

J

It's really hard...

watching people sit at my table eating cookies and coffee.......... I love cookies and coffee. J

Hate doors that creak

or squeak or stick.... and our bedroom doors both do that. J.

Trying again....

Made an appt with a new orthopedic surgeon..... going on Aug.20th.. it's a long time from now but better than the Dec 29th appt for the one they referred me to. I could have gotten another appt but would have had to do the follow up care in Chico and didn't want to do that. Hopefully this surgeon is a good one... I don't much have a choice anymore. Need the knee done. Need to be able to start moving around a bit more... I'm going to tell him to get all the xrays and the mri I had done on my knees and also the mri I had done on my back. I want him to see what we're up against with all these problems.

Bought a new microwave today... smaller than the one I had but the wattage is the same so it should cook about the same.


Knees are very painful today... J

Home and tired....

It was a hard day... too many hours and too many miles. I'm so tired. I'm glad we went though... Uncle Don seemed both surprised and pleased that so many of the family showed... but we are family. It's what we do. What else can one do?

The weather was pleasant, I'm thankful for that... Now I'm going to bed. Will feel so good to lay down on a cool pillow...

J

Thursday morning

I'm up early. Going to a funeral. It's a long drive and I'm not looking forward to it. Muggy here this morning.

Need to get things ready...


J

Talking on the phone?

Or talking to oneself.... who can even tell the difference anymore? Isn't it great, now I can talk to myself, just like I've always done and nobody thinks I'm crazy... a few years back if you were caught talking to yourself you were thought of as an idiot or an old woman. Now we can do this and we're right in step with everyone else. I've always talked to myself but I used to try and hide it.... now I just go driving down the road and carry on the most intelligent conversation ... it's about time. J

I like fruit....

You know.. I've given up a lot of things that I like to eat. Most of them don't bother me. Well chips bother sometimes but for the most part I'm ok with giving up pastas, rice, potatoes, bread and beans. I have a bite or two of them from time to time and that's enough... I've had to give up all artificial sweeteners and now even stevia is causing me problems. It's been three days or maybe four since I've had any stevia and I can surely say today, I am having much less muscle cramping. I know splenda causes muscle cramps but didn't think stevia would do that too. Don't really think it's the stevia, but more my own body that can't process that stuff. Wonder if it would happen with real sugar now too? I actually bought some sugar in the raw today. Four carbs per teaspoon. I'm think half a tsp would be enough for my yogurt. But I am sort of scared too cause if all sweeteners cause cramping would sugar cause it too? And that brings me to the subject of fruit. I've decided I'm going to eat some fruit sometimes. Life is short. I want fruit.

J

Time?

It's not that I don't have the time to post... I have wads of time. It's just that I don't have any private time. I sit at my computer and people are behind my back, reading over my shoulder. I need my space back.. I NEED IT. but nothing is changing. I know if there's a change here I'm going to have to be the one to make it happen. Right now we are all flat lining and that's a terrible thing. What's worse is no one seems to care.

Gotta say

I don't want to wish my life away but I'm so glad this day is over...

Missed my yogurt mixed with peanut butter. I know I ate too much because I just couldn't get satisfied. I think I might go buy yogurt tomorrow. Maybe not.

Right now I'm headed for bed. I ate a teaspoon of real honey and it was so so so good. A bit too sweet maybe. I don't think I'm going to eat artificial sweeteners anymore. I think I'll learn to bake with itsy bitsy bits of real sugar or honey. Tomorrow I might figure out some carb counts on some of my favorite things using real honey or bits of sugar.. might not.

J

Egads it's hot

Went to walmart looking for shorts..... It's July ya know. Someone needs to tell walmart it's ONLY JULY... not time to buy sweaters.. No shorts in the whole store. Looked for a brush to wash my back. No back brushes in the whole store. I don't like walmart. I hate their clothes anymore. Used to be better quality, now they are beyond cheapo.

Need to check my closet and see what clothes I have.

Made spaghetti squash baked with soy crumbles, spagheti sauce and cheese. Made stuffed mushrooms and salad.

J

In the early morning hours, I think....

Yep, always thinking... I have been in severe pain for months. And it's not just joint pain. Anywhere you touch on my body hurts. Pressing on my forearm, shin or back, just anywhere is so painful. I must be totally full of inflamation. I know that inflamation is not a good thing as it can cause other bigger problems. So I've decided to eliminate a few things from my diet. I thought back to when this pain began and if there were any changes made in what I eat. The main thing I've added is stevia daily in one form or another. I used to use stevia on occasion and didn't notice any adverse effects, but I've gotten so I use it every single day and I've also increased the amounts I use... So that will be the first thing to eliminate. I'll try it for a week and if I see no change I'll eliminate something else. I'll keep doing that until I see some improvement. We are in charge of our own health. I believe foods or lack of are the basis for most ills.

We'll see.

J

Another day done... gone pooof

I decided today I would finish the project I started months ago... remember the pictures I framed and hung on the wall? Well, I've never finished. The table below the pictures is still bare. It's bare because I don't have the exact thing I want to put on it? What is the exact thing? Not sure, but I think I want some bookends and my little poetry books there.. Something else too but not sure what... I will know it when I see it. Also need some type of scarf or something on it. So I started looking today.....

Something to think about.
It's a good thing.

J

Time doesn't wait...

So what are we waiting for? Yesterday I noticed... well, have been noticing, but yesterday I voiced my thoughts on doing nothing. I know why I'm doing nothing, it hurts to move and I rarely sleep.....   I am so sick of doing nothing.. It's just not who I am. I need to have a project. I need to be moving around, accomplishing something.  I can't keep this non-productive, sliding through life up. Have to have a project.

J

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrruuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Waited three months to get an appt. with the orthopedist... got there and he checked me over, asked questions etc and then announced he doesn't do knee replacements anymore. Wonder why they couldn't have told me that before. He did them last year when I saw him... wonder why they didn't send announcements to their patients... but he sent me to get it x-rayed and says he will refer me to a dr. here in redbluff that does do the replacements..

That's all I know. I'm pissed because it feels as if I've wasted three or more months in pain.

Hard here for everyone... waiting and waiting and of course I think the waiting has only just begun. Things with the government are always slow coming. Just wish there were some way we could get Jerris car fixed and find her a place to stay. I know she's very tired of doing nothing.. She'd feel better in her own place I think.

Hopefully I'll sleep tonight.

J

Friday morning

Didn't sleep because of the pain again... so hard to feel good when a person doesn't sleep. Hurts to turn over, hurts to move.

The mattress is horrible too. Need a new one badly. Don't think I'll ever buy a pillow top thing again. This one wore out and down in three short years. That's not good enough for me. I remember when mattresses used to last for years and years. My back is suffering because of this one. When we went camping and slept in the trailer my back didn't bother me near as much. Gonna start thinking about a new mattress.

Shower time... then to the orthopedist. Hopefully we can get something going here to fix the knee.. hate the thought of surgery and all the pain afterward with physical therapy, but it has to be done. Can't keep this stupid pain up forever.

I'm very tired this morning.. gets old after awhile. Need some changes here too. Feel like my life is zooming by and I'm doing nothing with it. Limbo. Waiting. Do we really have time for this?

J

Thursday

Ate at Dennys. Ate too much . blood sugar zoomed.

I'm getting bored sitting around so much. Must find something to keep my mind occupied. And I really need exercise. Gonna talk to the doc tomorrow about the exercise part.

Nothing else going on.

J

Thursday A.M.

I love getting up early before anyone and sitting with my coffee, check my email, listen to the birds or nothing.. 
J

They've arrived............

ANTS.... everywhere. All over the kitchen. Hate them. Hate cleaning them up. I'm the first one up so I get the honors. Don't say I like doing it ,,... but I do it better. I'm very careful with sprays and things. Others aren't so careful.

well.... after several tries the thongs are .....

Actually feeling almost OK... and it didn't get as hot as they said it was gonna get... and it's cooling off quite nicely already.. we're down to 95 at 7 PM... was hotter than that when I went to bed last night.

Trying to figure out what to do with the dog so we can go to Cheryl's service. Gonna be hard to do but think we should. I'm for taking him and leaving him in the car but Mac says we can't do that. Maybe I'll see if Ashley is going to be home... maybe she'll babysit him. He likes her.

Am not looking forward to the orthopedist appt on Friday... not looking forward to surgery one single bit. Need to do it though. It's time. Can't figure out any other way.

Muffins were good. A little high calorie.

J

Later on....

baking coconut flour, stevia sweetened, lemon blueberry muffins...........

Thongs are hurting my toes.

Hot

My big question of the day is, can one be self centered without being selfish? Or are they sort of the same.?

Anti-freeze all over the driveway... don't let the dog out there. I hate this. I'm too old to do this. But where's the choice? Where Is The Choice?

J

If I could fix it....

I used to be the fixer of everything but then I encountered things I could not fix.... problems I cannot solve, and people who need more help than I have to give. What to do? I'm feeling so tired and I'm feeling like I'm in the middle of things again. I can't for the life of me understand why a person would make things harder than they are... attitude is all important. I worry about how everyone feels.. and I make myself sick in the process... this is not right. Here I am again trying to figure out how to make this whole problem a little easier.

I got some thongs today... don't call them that anymore. Now I spose they are flipflops or some such name. To me they are thongs.. they're cute, hurt the space between my toes but I think I'll get used to that. Key is to take it slow. If I make a blister then I'm done for.. They are tan leather.. Got two other pair that are going back. I always order three or four pair of shoes. No shipping or return charges so what the heck...

Ordered four bras yesterday... movin' on up

J

fat

Way back when I was very fat my legs rubbed together, but they haven't done that in years. Now I find that happening again and it's very uncomfortable. It's not the fat, but rather the flab from lack of exercise. There is absolutely no exercise I can do with these stupid painful knees.. Can't even walk. Yesterday I vacuumed and all night long was in pain.. My knees are so shot. Just hope I haven't waited to long. Would hate to think of a life filled with pain pills just to exist. Appt is Friday with the orthopedist... hopefully he'll get right on it. Hopefully they don't drag it out for months and months.. meanwhile I live with the flab... hate it. J

Stuff.....

Hard to keep a good man down.... or in this case a good woman. I made some decisions last night. I decided to just get up and get things done.. I am also not going to worry about things that are over. It was all a big mistake and everyone just got over involved. But one thing I've learned and hopefully everyone else has learned too is to THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK... or in this case type. Sometimes we get upset and fire off an email or post something before we've had time to think it through..... usually that's not the best way. And usually if we wait, we realize it's not exactly like we thought. Maybe hurt feelings could be prevented if people would learn to wait a bit...

So I vacuumed the living room and dining room and dusted every inch of it. Washed my clothes and my towels. Now I'm hungry... J

It's been a very long and tiresome day... I am going to bed. I sat too much today and my tailbone hurts.. Must make myself do more tomorrow.... but at least I got the porch cleaned up today.

Tomorrow will be better.

J

Saturday....

I just want to go away somewhere... far far far, where no one can jump to conclusions, falsely accuse, or be mean in any way.. honesty is important to me. Unfortunately everyone isn't the same. I'm so so so very tired. I'm tired of fighting, being sad, crying, worrying and trying to fix things for people. When is it my time to just do nothing?

No one seems to realize it could all end any minute... fighting is such a waste of time.

J

Friday

If I worked I'd be so glad it was Friday...

Did I do anything special today? I went to the store and bought groceries. Well, not really groceries but I did get veggies. I love buying vegetables. Then I made a yummy mashed cauliflower casserole.

Went to the Hospice thrift store... found a fantastic corning ware casserole with a lid... for five bucks. It's big.. and it can go on top the stove, in the microwave or in the oven. I like thrift store shopping.

Still trying to zero in on a project.. don't know what it will be. But I do know I have to be doing something. Can't just sit and do nothing.

Got another email from Kikos friend. I like this fellow. I hope he keeps in touch.

hot today..... still 100 degrees at then o'clock.

J

What should I write???????

I checked the guestbook for Kiko this morning and there was a new entry.... it was from a fellow who went to school with him. I was touched by his post and wrote to him...so glad he put in his contact info. I got the nicest email back from him just a while ago.. He seems so genuine. I will answer him soon. But it's very hard to write to his friends.. hard to even write anything. Hard to think sometimes, but I think all the time. Not going to change

Got a nice email from Julie today... she's very sweet. Wonder where Elena is and if she is really that upset with me. I hate having any one of my kids upset with me. Makes me sad. I wish Josh wouldn't have told mac that no one cared before he was in the service... that's not true. I've always cared. I've never forgotten a birthday or Christmas... sometimes it wasn't much but lots of times I didn't have any money at all. But I remember several years buying those boys school clothes...jackets and backpacks too. I wonder if they remember that? It was hard. I had to charge them and it took me months to pay it off. I didn't want them to not have what they needed.

I need to get some focus to my life.. need something to plan. Need to be busy. Today I sat all day and wasted it like as though I have so many.... Just can't figure what I should do. Or what I want to do.

Maybe I'll figure it out tomorrow. J

Stuff and nothing

I didn't post yesterday..

It's going to be hot again today.... but the good thing about this weather is the low humidity. It cools off nicely at night.

I'm not going to go anywhere early this morning. I'm going to sit down and have breakfast. I've been gulping down my glass of protein drink and flying out the door. Makes me feel like I missed the meal. I hate missing meals. And another thing I hate is a meal which isn't satisfying. 

I need to clean house today... it's very dusty and needs to be vacuumed.

Wish I could do both knees at once... but too hard I spose. I would have to stay in a rehab place. Don't want that either. As it is, don't know how I'm going to get up and down the stairs to go to therapy daily like they'll say I need to. I barely make it up and down now. Maybe someone can come to the house.

Coffee tastes good...

J

Bits and pieces......

I went to the dr.. yes it's cellulitis but on it's way to being ok he thinks...... my reg doc is on vacation so we had to go to someone else.. but he was ok. Sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

Lots of knee pain today.

Mac had bone taken out of two different toes today... one on each foot.. he's supposed to stay off of his feet and so am I. Makes for a lot of doing nothing.

I need to buy groceries. Maybe tomorrow.

J

Reunion's over

I hated to see it come to an end... I had a really good time. And it was just good to be away and not think of things that need to be done or problems or how we're going to fix them... but now we're back to reality. Back to whatever it was we left undone, same problems, no solutions.

I ate too much... don't care. I did what I wanted. I'll worry about it tomorrow. Wonder what's wrong with my ankle. It's so red. A big red patch of skin. Sort of feels stiff and is swollen. Guess I will call the dr tomorrow if it's still there. Had it for about 5-6 days now.

Time to go to bed... no it's not bedtime but it is time to go to bed.

J

Monday morning

Ten degrees cooler this morning and I could really feel it. I'll be cold at night in Hat Creek. Just a few things to do this morning and that's it. ...

Sitting here with the heating pad on my lower back. It seems to help and even if it doesn't, it feels good.

Second cup of coffee time... scales went up a pound... peanut butter pie????? maybe the pain pills. They make me hold fluids bigtime. Wish I didn't have to take them but I bet I always do because this pain isn't all the knees... it's also the back.

Time to get busy.. J

Sunday night

The trailer is packed and ready to go.. just have a few more things to do in the morning. We're planning on leaving here around 10 a.m. The weather at hat creek is supposed to be in the 80s all week long.. I'm taking all weather clothes as we know what hat creek can do sometimes.
I'm really looking forward to just sitting in my chair and kicking back... I didn't plan any crafts this year, will let the younger people do those things from now on.

My dog survived the fireworks but today when he was trying to go into the trailer he fell on the steps.. poor little thing was just trying to mind me. He's not been too spunky since. Was limping earlier. He does have a problem with his hind legs or hips. Seems that happens with chihuahuas often.

I'm happy to be going to the reunion but I'm very sad too.. this is the year that Kiko had planned to go. He was getting his ducks all in a row.. He so loved the reunions and hadnt been to one in a very long time.

J

Not gonna be able to post tonight... my doggie is scared of the fireworks.

Eeeeeeek it's late and I'm tired.

Did the last minute shopping for the reunion today... walked and walked. By the time I got out of the last store my knee was really hurting. Came home and helped do the shish kabobs.. they turned out really good. We'll make them again now that we have some idea on how to do them and what to use.

Big surprise of the day... Mac bought me flowers. He's never once ever ever bought me flowers. They are very pretty and I was very surprised.

Going to check a couple of things and then it's bedtime for me.

J

Thursday evening

I'm tired... feels like I worked the whole day.. didn't do that much.

Cut my hair really short and now the gray shows more.. Jerri doesn't like the gray in the back. She liked it before I cut it but not now. I can't see it so dont know what it looks like. I need better light.

Time to go to bed... tomorrow it's shopping.

J

Thursday a.m.

Sun's up. 104 today... get it done early if it's outside kinda day. Don't think I'm going out for anything today.. but maybe I'll break down and sit on the porch for a few minutes after breakfast. If I wait till my work is done it will be too hot out there.

Cleaning out the fridge.. packing up a few things. It's early but because my back/knees only let me do a bit at a time, I have to spread it out instead of doing it all in a couple of days like I used to.

Feel like eating peanut butter pie.

J

Wednesday... ovah

I didn't do much but I feel like I did... Jerri had her appt and all went well.. then we went to GNC... then home. Washed one load of clothes... put the dishes away out of the dish washer... made dinner. Is that all? Don't think so but can't remember..

Tomorrow Jerri goes to the doctor. I clean out the fridge and pack a few canned things. Non perishibles... I guess that's what they are called. For now, I'm sleepy and tired.

J

Wednesday morning ....

Sciatic nerve hurting down both legs... not horrible, just there. No time for that right now, go away.


J

Tuesday down...

I accomplished all that I set out to do plus a bit more so I'm satisfied I didn't waste the day. Let's see if I can remember what I did...

Made the bed in the trailer... cut Jerris hair, vacuumed both the back and the front porches, cleaned the sink, countertops and the microwave, cleaned my bathroom... maybe that's all. I did not cook anything today. I ate mostly leftovers and things like that. Not sure what all everyone else ate.

Tomorrow Jerri has an appt and I have to go to GNC... after that I am not sure what I'll get done.

For now, I'm going to bed.

J

I did everything...

Well, everything I set my mind to. Went to walmart, did the t-shirts, got the paints, paper, and that sort of stuff ready to take to the reunion.. made a cauliflower casserole with ham for dinner.

Tomorrow we will go make the bed in the trailer.. have to take the sleeping bag off of it cause Jerri will need it in the tent. Then I'll check to see if we have paper plates and other paper things in the trailer.

After that I will trim Jerris hair and help her wash it. Hard for her with only one arm.

Going to bed now.. tired.

J

Monday

Bad bad night... When I eat Splenda I get cramps in my muscles. I know this for a fact after much experimenting. Now it seems the erythritol causes the same thing. Last evening I ate a piece of fudge where I'd used some of that sweetener. Ate some the other day and it didn't cause that problem, but last night I also made koolaid and used it in that.. It wasn't half an hour till the cramps hit. I slept almost nothing. I can't say for sure this is the reason, but I will be watching when I eat foods with it in them. I do so much better when I stick to plain stevia. Also not quite sure my decaf was decaf yesterday... could have been someone forgot they were making the afternoon coffee and used regular instead. Almost positive of that............ but

even though I am tired and didn't sleep enough I am going to get some things done today. I sat way too much the last two days and I believe that contributes to my legs hurting too... so off to walmart in a few... then to do the shirts and then to get the crafty stuff ready for the reunion. That's the plan and that's what I'm going to do.

J

Ok

Went to walmart and bought some t-shirts... need to go back tomorrow and get three more. Should have gotten them this morning.... but sometimes things work better when others think it's their idea... amazing how that works. What ever!!!

That's all I've done all day today and I don't like it... another wasted day.. wasted. Just wasted. Why do I do that.?? Well it was very hot. we hit 109. Thought we would hit 110, but fell short. Didn't make me too sad.

Had a few ants in my bathroom... probably the start of the annual summer invasions.

Tomorrow I will go to walmart, get the rest of the shirts, come home and iron on the transfers. Then I plan to get the paints and that sort of thing out of my closet ready to take to the family reunion.

J

Whew

Going to bed....... still 102 degrees out there. Don't think I'll open the house tonight.. J

It began yesterday... been getting nauseated every time I eat. And I've really only been eating small meals. Could be too much fat. Sometimes cream makes me nauseated. Maybe I'll switch to creamer for a few days. Could also be the gastropareses acting up.

J

It's not up to me....

And it's not up to me to fix all the meals... to run the dishwasher, to put the dishes away, to plan, shop for and buy the groceries... to put them all away and keep track of the whole thing. I am only responsible for me. In a minute I'm going to make my lunch. If anyone is hungry, they can find something. Tired.

And I don't have to get over anything. I can dwell wherever the hell my mind wants to go. It's my mind and I control it... don't need to "take" something for anything. Taking a pill will not make other people nice. Pills are a good thing I spose if they are needed, but I don't need them for my mind to be at peace. I just need other people to be nice. It's actually not a very difficult thing to do. And it's actually not my problem, so don't whine to me about anything... just take care of it.

I'm hungry. J

STOP

Ever come to a stop sign? No not just any old stop sign... but one that really says STOP. Really a stop sign is misnamed. It should actually be called a pause sign. Most people just pause for a moment. It's not a real stop and then begin again situation. It's a pause, glance and continue sign. In life there are very few stop signs. Most of them are just a pause, without much thought, on the way to the next whatever... Sometimes when too many actions by others build and build and build the only way to get their attention is to just yell STOP. Stop stop stop. I'm done!!!! No this is not just a pause for you to get your breath and continue on with the same old bullshit. This is a full fledged, I want no more of this crap... STOP. STOP Now and do not continue on this same path. NO MORE. YOU MUST STOP. YOU MUST NOT START AGAIN UNLESS YOU DECIDE to change lanes.. take a different route. Stop just plain stop. I'm done. I will no longer listen to you if you are singing the same tune. STOP.

J

Ok...

Friday is almost a memory... wonder if I'll remember this particular friday a year from now... somehow I sort of doubt it. Nothing major happened today. Went to anderson. Bought transfer paper.. started making the transfer design.. bought 2 mens t-shirts.. one a large and one an extra large. I'm happy to say the biggest is too big and I will take it back tomorrow.

Ate shrimp. I like that. It's a perfect low carb food. Had cabbage too and I love that.

Didn't actually accomplish much of anything today... gotta go turn on the dishwasher... then I'll hit the hay and sleep as if I worked all day in the sun sorting tomatoes on the machine. That was a real tired. This is just an old tired. I like that one better. I need some ooomph. Wonder where that is sold?

J

Thursday is over

Didn't really accomplish much today.. made a few low carb desserts for the reunion and got those in the freezer. What else? Made breakfast and dinner... put dishes in the dishwasher.... what else? Nothing. That's absolutely horrible. I must get some exercise going. So hard with this knee. Oh I know what happened... they moved my orthopedic appt. Yes instead of going on the 17th they moved it to the 24th... I was angry and let them know it. I've waited so long for this appt.. Mac called them three weeks ago and told them how much pain I've been in.. asked for an earlier appt. They never even bothered to call me back. I really really am not happy about this and I really really don't know if I'm going to let him give me a new knee or not. I do know I will really really have a talk with him when I see him.. this is not right.

Now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'm going to anderson to look for transfer paper.

J

Wed night

Tired... just tired. I've been sleeping ok but I'm still too tired. It's now my bedtime so just need to check a few things and hit the hay.

J

Hmmm this is Wednesday

Blogspot doesn't always work right.. I've noticed sometimes I post and later it's nowhere to be found.

What did I do today? I made low carb brownies to take to the reunion. They are very good. A little dry but I've read on a lot of low carb recipes they are dry when you first take them from the oven but upon standing they get more moist. Anyway I have them wrapped and in the freezer. Still need to make low carb fudge and I wish I knew if the peanut butter pie would freeze well. Don't think I'll try it. Would hate to waste that much cream. Still need one more low carb dessert. Maybe I'll try my new thick and thin to make a pudding or some such thing like that. Maybe a lemon pie. Maybe just lemon pudding.

Cooked bratworst for dinner tonight.. very good and only 1 carb per link. I had salad. Mac and Jerri also had baked potato. I opted to not go that carby.

Hot today. Tomorrow I want to buy some transfers... might go to Redding tomorrow.. don't know.

J

Mondays over...

Made candy... ate some. Jerri made brownies... ate some. Not good for me and I paid for it with high blood sugars... Hot in here. I guess everyones gone to bed and left lights, doors, fans and air conditioners all to me. Yea. WHATEVER...

Tomorrow I am going to buy veggies.. now that's exciting.

J

Sunday

Went to walmart... got some of the stuff for Iron Chef night at the reunion.. also bought some rock salt to make ice cream with. Bought stuff to make candy and brownies for the non-diabetics. Will also make some for the diabetics. I'm not worrying about calories or my weight that week. I will watch the carbs as I don't want my blood sugar going too high.

Made those yummy almond meal crackers tonight... love those. Good thing I only made a few. I could eat a lot of those.

I'm really tired tonight. Tomorrow I've got to get the reunion list made.

J

Sunday

Yea big day coming up... we get to go to Walmart, grocery shopping.

I slept good. Not too much pain. That's always good. Never can figure why some times I do and sometimes I don't. Never know when I go to bed if it will be a good one or not. I usually have one good and then several bad. But maybe the trend is changing.... wouldn't that be nice.

ooops morning quiet just got over.

J

Saturday

One would think I was busy or something.. haven't blogged all day. Really didn't do much of anything today..

Made chicken soup
Made rice pudding
Cleaned up the breakfast mess
put the dishes away out of the dishwasher...

Later on after all the meals, I cleaned the kitchen good. Others wash dishes and sometimes the stove.... but I wipe down everything. I clean the microwave and all the drainboards and the fridge.. I like my kitchen clean.

I turned around twice today and it's bedtime.

J

Friday

Too tired to post...

g'nite

J

OK

Check on the craft page for pics of the new arrangement.. J

Evening on Thursday

We went and bought flowers today to take to the cemetery tomorrow. We put kikos arrangement together but haven't done the rest. Have to do them down there as they will get messed up in the car. Not enough room to transport them. Taking the pickup as we have to take cement, sand and gravel along with the shovel etc... and of course the headstone.

Didn't do much else today except cook dinner and it was easy... back pain forced me to take pain pills today. Don't like doing that and haven't for weeks, but I couldn't function and I also couldn't stand that amount of pain.

Time to take a pic of the arrangement.

J

Thursday morning

No appts today... yea... oops me time over already. guess I'm gonna have to get up earlier. Going to buy flowers for an arrangement to take to the cemetery tomorrow. Hope the ones we put earlier aren't all faded. I should take a bunch more. Maybe I will. I'll see what I can find.

Hungry this morning.. both knees hurt.

J

bedtime

Need sleep...

j

Wed afternoon

Forms, papers, questions, duplicate, triplicate......and copies of those and then more...........no wonder the forests are being depleted.. Seems like there could be a better way.


Almost took a pain pill today but didn't.... maybe I won't have to.

Time to drink some water..

J

CRAP

So much for being hungry.... that lasted all of three days... and I began losing too and then I just forgot about me and what I'm supposed to be doing. Ate without thinking and whenever I wanted, hunger or no hunger.. This will not do. I simply HAVE to keep the carbs down. It's not the total calories, they actually weren't bad. But the last couple of days the carbs have been way too many for me.

Feel better a little hungry anyway. Let's see if I can multi-task today.

J

Wednesday early

No one up so far but that could change any minute... I so love the mornings when I have some me time. ooops told you it could change. so much for peace and quiet. oh well.

no sleep. too much knee and sciatic pain. gonna be a hot day and a lot of running around.

J

Got a few things accomplished today.... have more to do tomorrow. Many papers to fill out etc.. hope it pays off.

My sciatic nerve tightened up tight again and is very painful. So far it's only on the right side.. hope it doesn't go back to the other side too


J

Tuesday morning

I ate like a pig yesterday and feel bloated and full... don't like the sluggish feeling. Appointment this afternoon at social services... they told us to be prepared to wait two hours. Fun times. But has to be done. I still need to fill out the papers.

J

One can only do so much

Sometimes I think I don't do anything and then I start to think about what I have done... today I did get things accomplished. Not directly for me, though I will probably benefit by it somewhat. Took Jerri to the welfare office and applied for everything we could think of. Have to go back for an appt tomorrow and again on Wed and again on July 1st. Keep all your fingers crossed that we can get something going for her. She does need our help as it seems very difficult for her to follow through on anything.

Nothing decent on TV tonight... summer is like that.. today I found a great finger foods recipe that I wish I would have found before I made the burrito filling..

Cat hasn't learned to use the cat box yet.... wonder how long that will take.????

J

Monday

Early morning and the sun is just peeking over the rooftops. Gonna be warmer today.

Pain in my ankle bone. Need to exercise a bit more. Today we will go to social services to see what type of help Jerri can get. I hope it's enough but I know it won't be. There are no programs for her. Maybe some food stamps, but no cash aid that would pay her rent anywhere. I think this is where she's going to live from here on out. I think this is it. No end in sight. No peace ever. She's a very needy person. Not a bad person.. She's caring. But she's simply not able to care for herself.

I feel stuck.

J

Even later...

Tomorrow is another day... may it be better. I'm very tired just trying to keep the peace, trying to keep the dog quiet. Though I don't think the dog is barking all that much, each time he even yips you'd think the world was ending... egads people need to learn to control their nerves.

No sleep last night... going to get a teensy snack, take my pills and just go to bed and let tomorrow bring whatever it brings.

Weather was beautiful today..

J

Later Same Day

I'm tired.. have to go to walmart and my knee doesn't feel like walking but I have to go.

J

To color or not to color

It's Flag day..

I've been thinking... what about you ask? Well I've been thinking about NOT coloring my hair anymore, or at least for a little while. I'd like to see what color it actually is. Oh I know it's gray... but what shade of gray.... Salt and pepper? Mousy brownish gray? White? What? I think I'll cut it even shorter and then just wait and see... if it looks too awful, I can always color, but it might not look awful. That would be good. Will it make me look older? Don't know unless I try.

Still quiet here.... love it love it love it.

J

Sunday now

Yesterday and today just ran together... maybe because I've had almost no sleep. I had rapid heartbeat and had to take extra bp meds. I do that sometimes so that's no big deal.... but my poor doggie was so nervous. He couldn't sleep. I kept having to get him away from the bedroom door. He kept getting off the bed. I also hate sleeping with my bedroom door shut. But couldn't be helped last night.nity

Good barbeque yesterday... good conversation.

I might be back later... right now I'm all alone out here and boy is it nice. Peace. One word, means everything. I WILL have it. Yes I will.

J

This is actually Saturday.

I'm dressed, showered, I've opened up all the shades so it's not like a morgue in here. I like light. My mood today is DETERMINED. I'm determined to get stronger. I am losing strength rapidly because of not being able to walk enough. This has got to stop.

NO WALKER
NO CRUTCHES
NO CANE
NO WHEEL CHAIR
NO HANDICAPPED STICKER.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO >......ain't goin' down that easy. Get outta my way. J

AS promised

My fasting blood sugar was 104. Actually the best one I've had in several days. I slept like a rock too. I needed a good pain free night and I got it. Yea sleep is such good medicine.

Nothing else to report this morning yet.... coffee is good and I'm on my way for my second cup.

J

Oh and I'll report fasting blood sugar numbers in the morning....

J

Well well well...

I remember food binges of long ago. I would eat half a loaf of bread toasted with butter, a bag of cookies, half a bag of potato chips and half a gallon of ice cream... yes I have done that.. today I had a food binge, or rather tonight I had it.. I don't know if it was a full fledged binge or not cause I certainly knew what I was doing and I just didn't care. I was hungry and angry. Bad combination for one who is a foodaholic. So instead of eating my planned half of a cheese sandwich, I exchanged it for 1/3 of a cup of fruit/nut trail mix. What not enough? Ok then added half a cup of potato stix... Nope not done yet. Then I got half a fage yogurt ( nonfat) and added some stevia and topped it with half a cup of whipped cream... you know the canned cream that's pressurized.. Oh and I topped the whole conglomoration of food off with 3 tiny dried apricot halves. Hmmmm wonder where that put me in the calorie chart. Probably not too bad caloriewise.... not good carb wise I spose. I was probably ok after the potato stix but the rest was overload. Strange though I do feel better. I've heard people say they feel worse after a binge, but not me, not this time. I might do that more often. WHATEVER!!!!!

J

Bits and pieces

of fragmented nerves...

dumb stuff taught by fathers to sons.... sometimes

Dinners over

It was good. Easy to make and easy to count. Can't beat that... I can hear the wind chimes out side.. seems like it's getting pretty windy. At least no thunder like yesterday..

Ever heard of sour, curmudgeons who only get sourer with each passing day? Ever know people who are happy go lucky with everyone except those at home? Ever known anyone that no matter what you say it's wrong? Learning deafness may be the answer.. Some of those people are very good people, but they may be unhappy for some reason or they may just have rotten nerves....... sometimes a person with high blood sugar gets crabby... but all in all even if all these things were or are true that never gives anyone the right to treat others badly. It just shouldn't be done.

I might consider selling this house and moving closer to where family is. That would be good for me. Why sell if I'm going to stay in the same area? Hard to not have anyone to talk to. Might just move. Can't figure the reason for making life more difficult than it needs to be.

These are pieces...

J

Wow the day is flying

I wonder why? I've not been busy. I've not done much of anything. Going to fix dinner in a minute but it's gotta be easy. Don't want to work at it. Just want it to taste good. I wish I had a cook and a maid... and a gardener. Well, not true. If I had a good knee I wouldn't want a gardener... but a maid would be welcome. Can you imagine never having to clean another toilet?

This is a bit of nothing.. I'll come back later and add more pieces.

J

Friday... early morning

I like it when I get up early in the morning and the only thing I hear is the birds singing.

Thursday Continuation....

I've really nothing to say... the day is about over for me. I'm headed for bed. I do hope I can get comfortable before one in the morning. Don't think I'm sleeping enough. Feel tired. Not taking vitamins either. Maybe I'll start back on them tomorrow. Sometimes I get tired of swallowing pills.

What did I do today? I bought vegetables... good stuff like green squash, yellow squash, green onions, cilantro, tomatoes, cauliflower, cabbage and baby carrots... oh and a nice big spaghetti squash and one decent acorn squash. I love buying fresh veggies.

We had a major thunder and lightning storm just around jeopardy time... scared the dog. It was loud. Rained too.

Texted Jerri and she answered with a one word... no, a one letter text. the letter was "A"... we are assuming she is in Arizona.. she could have been driving. Her car has been getting hot so she decided to stop in the hot part of the day. I'll call her tomorrow if she doesn't call me. She's trying to save minutes in case she really needs them.

Bed... how I wish I had a new mattress... would love to have my very own bed. Can't have everything.

J

Afternoon on Thursday...

Nothing changes.... if
Nothing changes.

I pride myself as being my own person... finally being of the age where I don't give a damn... but as I think about that, I'm not so sure. I still wear a bra and I'm absolutely miserable in them. Never found one that fit me. Too wide, not enough support, skinny straps, too wide straps.... where are the half sizes.. I don't think a person is really their own person until they say the hell with a bra. Besides it's been noted that bras, especially ill fitting ones and really especially underwire bras may cause breast cancer.. Hate bras.

Life, like a seesaw
a teeter totter of sorts
up and down and then up
if we're lucky
we stop at up
if only for awhile.

J

Hey I've decided

I like little throughout the day posts better than trying to do one a day. It's early. Sun is shining and I need to get in the shower.. I almost said "hop' in the shower and then thought about it... what a strange way to say it. Does anyone really 'hop' in the shower? I certainly don't. Maybe hobble in the shower would work for me. Both knees hurt in the night... thing is, I don't think they are hurting quite as much as they were for awhile.. hopefully they are on the road to better. I could use some better right about now.

No word from Jerri yet today.

J

Later still

I'm hungry.... but I didn't die. But I did get a little shaky just before dinner.. I could never fast. I love food so much.

I worked on the reunion list.. I actually think I just about have it down.. just have to make a Things I need to Buy list... maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Right now I need to go to the bathroom, change my clothes and watch jeopardy..

J

Yesterday was awful...

It was awful because it was Kikos birthday and he is no longer on this earth... I'm feeling like it wasn't fair that he died. Then Jerri called, in Texas, car giving her problems. I felt so bad for her because I could hear her voice quivering... but why did she have to bring a cat? I know she is soft hearted when it comes to cats, but I did ask her before not to bring any. Evidently this cat has some back leg problems and drags his legs along. No one wanted to adopt it so they were going to take it to the pound. She couldn't handle that. She's already had to leave half of her lifes accumulations there... stuff she's worked her butt off to get and things she didn't want to part with. It's scary for her driving all this way with not enough money, not enough food and a car that might or might not get her here.... and to be made to feel like no one really cares or she has no one to turn to really blows my mind. It's probably not like that... but that's the feeling I got.

The whole day yesterday was worrisome and sad for me. I'm better today. My knee is better. I walked around walmart.. not a lot but more than nothing. Must make sure I don't over do with it. Maybe it's going to get stronger. It did before. Yes it did. I think I hurt it doing the cardioglide and the exercise bike. I did that before too. You'd think I'd learn.. but in my quest to lose a few pounds I forget. Phooey.

This is a bigger bit... not just a few pieces. Now I'm going to get my reunion list out and organize it once and for all.

J

later...

And now it's later... same day, same place, same stuff.... just who do you talk to when there's no one to talk to? Ever talk to yourself? I do when I'm home alone. But when I'm not home alone I've decided the best thing I can do is blog... blogging works. Just like writing down your thoughts works. One can write things they'd never really say.

I decided this morning I wouldn't die if I was a little hungry. To lose weight I probably have to be hungry. I want ten pounds off but I would settle for six by reunion time. I can do that. But I must remember I'm not dying if I feel a bit of hunger. It doesn't really take as much food as we think it does to survive..

I'm coming back later to continue my bits... J

Bits and pieces

If this is a blog named bits and pieces... I think throughtout the day I'll add bits and pieces.. I can do that. It's my blog. I can or not... what power. It's mind boggling.

Weigh day.. it's a stay the same. That's good cause I've been really eating. Hate hunger. But today I'm going to be hungry cause I'm gonna eat teensy meals often. Maybe not.

Missed Susies email yesterday... lots to say, no one to say it to. This too shall pass. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, but sometimes the small stuff isn't so little and it does affect me. Lack of understanding, coldness and selfishness bother me.

That's the first bit.

J

Tuesday....

It's been a rough one. Can't even write about it right now, but I will, maybe in the morning. I'm pretty tired and it's raining. Sure hope it isn't raining where Susie and Dani are camping... that would not be fun. I wish I were camping.

The doctor didn't call so I'm assuming they can't get me in earlier... they could have forgotten. That sort of turns me off of them cause I think any good doctor who is caring and not just in it for the money will try to get a patient in early if that patient is in a hella lot of pain... that's what I think anyway.

This blog is weird.... would not show last nights post until I refreshed it. Ok so that's ok but then when I went back to look at it again I had to refresh it again. It was showing the previous post. Two of my blogs did that today....

I did the chair stretches and upper body exercises with light weights..

J

Mondays over...

Where did it go? What did I do with it? I ask myself these questions every night.. and each night I resolve to do better the next day.. Each night I say to myself, "I am not going to waste all my days just sitting doing nothing." And then the next day is just a repeat of the previous one. Why do I do this? I did work a bit on the santa ornament but I don't like it much. I didn't have the right material and it's not like it should be. When I go to walmart next time I'll get the right stuff. It only takes a little bit of material. Don't know when I'll go to walmart though. Haven't been able to walk much. Maybe tomorrow. I must stop wasting the days. I did send a netrition order today... and I did put some more pictures on Kikos guestbook. Tomorrow is his birthday.

WHATEVER

He sassed me but he loved me...

I should go to bed now... J