I'm fighting back..

Trouble is I'm not sure what I'm fighting against... I've been playing detective, trying to determine the cause of my swelling feet. Right at this point I'm almost starting to believe it's just nothing more than inactivity... that could do it. Yesterday riding so far ( five hours total in the car) and sitting on a chair for several hours was just too much sitting... is it any wonder my ankles swelled up? Anyway today they just continued swelling and as the day wore on they got bigger and bigger. I did end up riding my exercise bike half a mile and then tonight we went for a fairly long walk. I almost went farther than I should have but I made it.. put the strap under my knee cap so it wouldn't slip and I did ok. It was still a bit too warm for me to walk but I did ok. Hopefully the swelling will be down tomorrow. I'm afraid now though to take pain pills cause I'm almost believing they might be part of the problem... what a lot of fun it is to get old. Ok that's my news for today.. Stay tuned for continuing episodes. J

Tired

And my feet are swollen...

Had a good day at Ramons.. ate too much too but it was good. I'll do a better post tomorrow.

Need to put my feet up somewhere.

J

My Daily Nothing

What did I do today? I baked a low carb cheesecake. There was a little of the filling leftover so I put it in a custard cup and baked it too... of course I had to eat it cause it was extra. Wow that is a very good cheesecake. I also baked an applesortof cake. I'm not crazy about it but I think if one puts enough whipped cream on it that will make it taste much better. We will take them to Ramons tomorrow to celebrate Brians 18th birthday.

Made an appt with the orthopedist... couldn't get in till July 17th. Yep that's a long time. Can't be helped.

Have all sorts of cramps in my limbs tonight. What is that from? I've had them before. Is it from sweet stuff, artificial sugars or is it from the arthritis pill I took today? Don't know but it's very uncomfortable. Haven't had any of those crampy things for several days... haven't eaten artificial sugars...haven't taken arthritis meds. Hate it. Almost like restless leg syndrome.

Was hot here today... cooling down now. I took pics of the jewelry box and put them on the craft site. Time to start a new craft.. not sure what I'll do next. Have to look at my list.

Time to get my feet up.

J

finished the jewelry box

I finished the little jewelry box..it's kinda cute. I didn't take pictures but will tomorrow. It's been a rough day pain wise. I think my knee cap has given out...maybe this time for good. I need to make an appt with the orthopedist. Why do I keep thinking maybe it will get better?

Made some changes today... cut my coffee consumption to less than half. I have been overdoing it and my pulse has been racing. Not a good thing and not comfortable. Have also decided exercise is the worst thing I can do for this knee and sciatic problem. Every time I do anything it gets worse. Needs to be rested to get better.

I'm tired. Going to bed. Last night was not a good one.

J

Finally

Finally I've almost finished the jewelry box. It has two coats of paint and I've painted some flowers on the top of it. Tomorrow I'll put the sealer on it and possibly get it lined. Looking cute. But I'm not really good at these kinds of things anymore. My thumb makes it almost impossible to hold the brush and my hands are not steady anymore... wonder if age plays a role here. Hate the thought of being old. How does one accept the fact they are old.? How do we accept all the pain and limitations? Do we just forget about all that we used to do and sit down? How does one grow old gracefully? I don't think I can do it.

Bought groceries and painted on the jewelry box.... can't think of another thing I did.. maybe dishes.. yep that's all. J

Tomorrow is Wednesday

What does that mean? Nothing. Tomorrow we will go grocery shopping,. Today I walked outside in the morning. First time in a long time. I've decided I HAVE to move more. Took two halves of pain pills and gained weight. Don't even ask how I feel about that. I'm trying to figure if it could be something else making this happen, but I don't really think it is. I just don't know what to do. It's very depressing to think if I take them I'll gain weight and if I don't take them I'll be an invalid. What kind of asshole choice is this?

I painted the jewelry box finally. It's not finished but I've put two coats of paint on it. Have to paint some type of design on the top.. well, I don't have to but I want to. Then I'll have to put a sealer on... then line the inside with felt. It's gonna be cute.

Made rice pudding today... put it in the freezer. Wonder if rice pudding freezes well? Ate a bunch of it too. Not a good thing for a diabetic.

Time to think about the pillow.

J

Can't figure this

Can't figure why I'm so tired. Why so much pain? Why can't I stand at the sink for more than a few minutes before my back just gives out.????? What the heck is going on. No minute of the day when I'm free of pain. This shouldn't be....

Tomorrow morning I am getting up and going for a walk. From now on I walk every day. I simply must build some strength. I know I'll never be strong like I used to be but I also do NOT want to be an invalid. Can't let this happen.

We went to Chico and I did the shopping at traders... didn't need much but I spent about an hour in the store. Came home, made soup. Cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishwasher. That's every single thing I've done today.. the rest of the time has been spent sitting. Has to stop.

Enough now.
J

cleaned the bathroom

I finally did it... yep, I cleaned my bathroom. About time too. I've been putting it off for some time now. Today I just forced myself to get it done.. but that's all I did. Have been too tired. Like right now I'm so tired I'm going to bed. J

Another Dud day...

I did exactly nothing. Can't figure why I just couldn't get it together today. Maybe not enough sleep. Maybe not enough carbs. I probably need to eat some grains for energy... I read you can get energy from protein and fat but it's harder than getting it from carbs.. if you eat carbs you will draw on those first as they are easier to use for energy than anything else. Whatever.

I ate half a cup chopped strawberries tonight, maybe that will count. Too tired. not gonna write anymore tonight. Maybe tomorrow. J

Two out of four is not half bad... or good.. or or or

Anyway I did two out of four of the things I had planned.. Washed the clothes and got all the pictures hung... available for viewing on my craft blog. I'm happy with them. It was a big job.

I didn't go outside once today though... need to take a day to sit on my porch. Maybe tomorrow. I got my new Taste of Home magazine in the mail today... maybe I'll sit out there and read it tomorrow. What else? Maybe we'll barbeque. Haven't done that in a thousand years.

Josh has to go back to Iraq tomorrow... wish they could have come up before he left, but it's hard I know. Sort of wish I still lived in Woodland so I could have more family get togethers. I miss doing that stuff. I miss family so much.

All the Tv programs I watch are over for this year... will have to find something else to do.. can't just sit at the computer every evening..

Need to look up some things on google...then it's beddy bye for me.

J

Tomorrow is Friday and I don't even care...

Guess I should feel sorry for those who have to work, but I think I'm more sorry for those who don't have a job. Not retired people.. they are not unemployed, they are simply not working anymore. Well at least not at a paying postition. Whatever.....

Speaking of whatever.. I did make some transfers but haven't found out where they will iron them on shirts at. I'll work on that tomorrow. Today I got the big picture moved from the living room to the dining room.. picked up, put away and moved stuff out.. decluttering. Feels good to have some organization. Tomorrow I will wash clothes, vacuum the bedrooms and clean my bathroom... then I will get the pictures hung for reals this time.

Right now I can't do any more... gotta get my head on the pillow.
J

Knee aches whine whine whine

I have to face it.... I need new knees. I know I do. Should have gone ahead in January like I planned but that's when Jerri said she was coming to CA and I didn't want to be an invalid when she got here so I put it off... but so did she. I kept waiting and I shouldn't have. Should have just gone ahead, it would be done by now. So now I'm not sure when it can be done. Reunion's coming up.. and maybe Jerri will show up one of these days. Cannot be down when she is here.

I vacuumed the floors today and dusted the furniture..went to the store to buy veggies. I did ok until I got in the store and the pain hit.. damn.

Didn't get any crafty things done. I do want to move a few things around in the living room but not sure I can do it by myself... don't know macs plans for tomorrow.. maybe if he's home we can get them moved.

Dog still seems to be hurting some... he plays a little, not wild like usual, he's eating good and everything but seems to hurt when we hold him. I think it's his back hip.. chihuahuas do have trouble with their hips sometimes.

Going to bed now... sleepy.
J

Tuesday

Last day of American Idol competition.. don't know who will win and won't be surprised if either wins.

What did I do today? Well we defrosted the freezer and took inventory of that stuff. Then I also checked to see what I had in the freezer below the fridge. Now I know. What else did I do? We went to get strawberries and I put three baskets of those in the fridge. Love those things blended up with milk in the blender.. just like a strawberry milkshake.

I cooked breakfast, and dinner.. I don't think I did anything else. Went to the doctor and he says I'm healthy... all labwork perfect.. lol not quite perfect but really good. My back is slightly better today.. oh how i hope it's on it's way to getting better.. this has really been a long bout this time and the worst one I've ever had.

If I feel better tomorrow I will work on the picture grouping.. Need to get that done now.

Maybe I'll try to go for a walk in the morning. Need to get back to walking every day. But for now I'm headin for the pillow.

J

And the Jewelry box waits........

Went to anderson to see the headstone guy... finally got it settled I think. Then stopped and bought a few groceries. Only a teensy few cause we didn't need much. It was hard to walk around the store even though I had put the pain patch on. Don't think they help a whole lot. That's all I've done today.. Hopefully I'll do better tomorrow.

Have a drs appt tomorrow morning. The results of my lab work are in. Hopefully they are all ok. I'll know in the morning.

Dog doesn't seem to feel good. I think he's hurt his leg or hip again. He doesn't seem comfortable. Not crying, although he did cry a few days ago when Mac picked him up. He's a touchy little thing. I think we should get health insurance for him.

Sleepy..
J

I'm late.. and tired

Went for a short walk this morning... damn back. So much for my good planned exercsie program. But can't be helped. I'm fairly sure I caused this problem by overdoing on the exercise/rower bike. I always feel pressure on my spine when I ride it... this time it was the last straw. Now I'm paying the price and it's a big price painwise.

Finished the last picture of the bunch today.. now I will just have to figure how to hang them...... I mean how to arrange them.

Still didn't paint my jewelry box... tomorrow to Anderson to check with the headstone guy. We'll stop at walmart and get Mac's low carb milk. Then home. Maybe I'll do the box after that.

Sleepy...

J

Well that's done....

I've had a perfectly unproductive day... I didn't accomplish one single thing. Hate that. Hate just wasting days. I like getting things done. I did work on the picture but still didn't get it right.. I'll try again tomorrow.. and hopefully I can take pictures of the pictures.. I'm probably crazy. I'm sure I am, but it's also who I am and if I weren't doing this I wouldn't even be me. I decided a few years ago, I am going to be me.. I am me. It's who I am and I like me so why in the world would I change. It's taken me years to get to this comfortable point. I actually started to get to this point along towards 55 years of age... started to like me. Then the last few years I have really decided I am exactly the kind of person I like. If I weren't me, I'd love to have me for my friend. Does any of that make sense? It does to me.

Hot today.. hotter tomorrow. I still haven't painted that cute little jewelry box.. put that on the list for this week. Better finish the pictures first.

I should go to bed. I'm tired and sleepy.

J

Friday...

If I were still working I would be so happy to see Friday roll around... but now, one day runs into the next and most of the time I don't even know which one we're on. I went for blood work this morning. We'll probably have the results in a few days. This lab is very fast and they send copies to us in the mail. The doctor will call if he wants to see us. I think I'll call and ask for an appt anyway even if he doesn't call.. thinking it's time to change the arthritis medication. I still haven't put the patch on my back for pain.. wanted to do it this morning but didn't think I could reach it right by myself... We'll put it on tomorrow. Sure could use some pain relief. Have taken tylenol twice today but it doesn't help..

Got all but one picture framed and matted... have to do a little work on the last one. It's not quite fitting in the matte.. They really look good. I suppose people think I'm crazy to do this.... but I don't care. Maybe I am, but I still don't care. It really is going to look nice when I get it done.. .. was wishing I could buy some new furniture but don't think that's going to happen. This stuff is so old and uncomfortable now.. was trying to think how many years I've had it.. bought it when I was doing child care so many years ago. That could have been 1991 I spose. Or thereabouts anyway. It's been a good set.. still doesn't look horrible but I'm very sick of the color and it is very uncomfortable to sit on...

Will watch the taped Survivor after while.. nothing else to watch. I read up on Sciatic pain and what causes it.. It's a lot more than people think. If you say you have sciatica they don't think you have anything serious but if you say you have a pinched nerve in your back they know it's painful... guess what? It could be the same thing.. One lady, when asked her pain level between 1 and 10 answered by saying " Eighteen" .... I believe it. I've had some eighteens here lately. Awful stuff... knocks me right down on the couch.

Enough whining.

Oh and if you want to lose weight don't use my recipe for custard............it's too creamy. Also it's one of those foods that will not let you rest as long as there's a bite left.. I hate that. Good thing tomorrow is another day. We can't be perfect all the time, can we?

J

Early tonight

Getting ready to watch the finale of the biggest loser.. we taped it on tuesday and haven't watched it yet..

I'm a bit tired.. went to the doctor today.. got the orders for blood work so I'll do that tomorrow. Also went to Micheals and got all the rest of the frames and mattes I need to finish the pictures. Then we went to trader joes, bought salad and tortilla chips.. then on to walmart for milk, eggs, and a few other things.. low carb catsup and peanut butter.. I love peanut butter. Isn't it funny, I never ever hardly ate peanut butter until I got old. I'd eat it if someone gave me a sandwich with it, but I think it was because they always put it with jelly and I'm not crazy about it like that.. I like pure unadulterated big and lots of chunky peanut butter.. I don't even need the bread, just give me a spoon. ooops how did I get there?

Fasting... no snack tonight. seeya tomorrow.

J

Drs appt tomorrow

I have a list of questions.... need some blood work done.

Today was a humid day... I put the third and fourth layers on the mini pinatas.... only have done 4. Will have to get busy and make about 6-8 more. But wanted to wait till my back wasn't hurting so much. Other than the pinatas, cooking and cleaning up the kitchen I've done nothing.. was looking online for some nice wide shoes, but boy are they hard to find.

American Idol results show tonight...

J

Tired

Another day done..... I do so very little and yet I get so very tired. I'm busy most of the time but I guess I just have to accept the fact it takes me so long to do things.. . kinda hard for someone like me to accept. I think I was the strongest woman I've ever known... not bragging, just stating a fact. Found out yesterday my drivers license expires this year. Don't think it will be automatically renewed again. I think once a person hits a certain age they have to go it and take a driving test. Lots of bad senior drivers out there so of course we all have to pay... whatever. Once I lost my license for a whole year and I drove anyway. I'd probably do that again too. I don't like driving much anymore though, but I do like being able to. I don't think I drive as good as I used to, or maybe it's just that I'm out of practice. I did ok there in Sacramento...

What did I do today? I did not make the reunion list...but I thought about it. I worked on the mini pinatas... Got four of them half way done. And I went to the store for vegetables. That's all besides regular dishes, cooking and stuff... and now I'm going to bed.

J

What next?

So four days ago I decided I absolutely couldn't stand the pain anymore so I took half a pain pill. They help. I have been taking two halves each day for four days now.... but the bad part is, each day I have gained weight since starting back on them. Tonight the scales are three pounds heavier than they were last night. No doubt in my mind they are either making me hold fluids or packing the weight on me. I must get off of them and stay off of them. I'm really worried though about how I can function without them. I got so I could barely walk, was extremely difficult to get up off the chair and just to turn over in bed caused excruciating pains.. not exagerating either. This is scary. I'll probably call the doctor tomorrow. Maybe there's something else he can give me that's not so dangerous. Not gonna take these anymore. I'm afraid they are messing with my kidneys.... fun stuff being old and full of arthritis. Poop!!!

Aside from that... I got a lot done today. Cleaned the fridge, gave the dog a bath, cleaned out the dogs bed and washed his bedding... watered the plants on the porch and went to walmart. Didn't get started on the reunion list though like I wanted to do.. that will be on tomorrows to do list. Plus I need to go buy veggies. And I want to start the pinatas.

Right now it's my bedtime...

J

Early tonight but I'm totally exhausted

It's Mother's day... we went to the cemetery and took all the flowers. The basket wasn't there that I planned to use for my Moms flowers so we just had to improvise. I wish I lived closer so I could keep it up a little better. The flowers that were there were so old there was no color left to them. It was sad and looked like no one cared. We cleaned up a little bit of wayward grass... brushed off the headstones some and put new flowers for every one. It was sad but I am glad I went... I'm satisfied I've done what I can do... but won't be completely satisfied till I get the headstone for kiko and get it set in. They have his name spelled wrong on the little sign they've put there. Course that's a temporary marker and it will be gone once we get the headstone.

I'm so glad to get the flowers there... I actually put it off too long, but it's true the weather just has been awful up until lately...

After we finished putting out the flowers we went to the park and had lunch with Elena, Jake, Josh, Marc and Israel.. later Jakes girl friend came too. She is a sweetie. It was a good day, spent with people who care. That's always good.

Tomorrow I start walking. I'm actually getting worried about my inability to move... though I did do quite a bit of walking today... but every step was so very painful. Must try and gain a bit of strength back..

Sure would like some ice cream.

J

The day is done.. and I'm tired

I didn't get one single bit of exercise in today. I've been trying every day to do something. I know I need more exercise and I also know if I don't start moving more very soon I will not be able to move. That is scary. The one thing I don't want is to be old, unable to get up and down by myself and need someone to pick me up and put me down... people get tired of that ya know. Sometimes old people don't get good treatment. Another reason I want to lose some more weight.. if I weigh as much as an elephant no one is gonna want to help me up. It's too hard for them... I don't want to ever be in that predicament. I actually felt pretty good until I saw a picture of me sitting down today... gee whiz what a belly. I am old and I am fat. Two very unfun things. But we had a good day and a very good dinner.. it was all low carb, well except for the rice and the brownies....... but I didn't eat them.. I could smell those brownies though. They actually called out to me, but I was strong and pretended not to hear.

I'm going to bed in a minute. I'm tired and have another big day tomorrow... will finally get the flowers to the cemetery.. I'm ashamed of myself for taking so long.

J

Why do people send sad things...

I'm talking about email.. I suppose they feel these sad tear makers are actually inspirational... but how much sadness can one take? I'm in a place right now where I do not need sad stuff. I simply refuse to read it anymore. How am I gonna get out of this hole if people keep dropping stuff on top of me? And some of these people who send the sad stuff are people who should know better. It irks me that they must think or feel I am fine now... Just because I don't sit and cry, just because I don't talk about how I feel, just because it's been a few months now does NOT mean I'm over it. I am not gonna get over it. I don't want to forget. Why would anyone think I would want to or even be able to forget? I don't need tear jerkers... I don't need inspirational. If you want to send me something just send a corny joke.. that's ok.

Now I need to go make dinner.. rather get KFC... yep that's what I'd rather do. Wonder how many calories a couple of original drum sticks have... oh and a thigh and half the white meat... That oughtta do it.

J

I don't know about this dog....

He eats weird stuff... he has a thing for plastic.. tears up his toys to get to the squeaker things inside. Plastic bottle caps and things like that just draw his attention... foam like was in the tops of my slippers... the slippers I used to have and don't anymore because he chewed them up.. not to mention my bunion pad ... and today I passed by his crate and saw him laying there chewing something.. something red. Hey that's my sunglass case and the sunglasses are still in it. Where were they? Inside my purse. He got into my purse and pulled them out, sneaked into his crate and was having a ball..

He loves this bear and drags it all over the place

Sun shone today and I worked in the yard... Didn't quite finish but that's ok.. also vacuumed the porch. looks good out there again. That's about all I did and now it's time for me to lay my tired head on the pillow... J

Posting trouble

I don't know what was wrong with this site last night but it wouldn't let me post. I tried several times and then just gave up. I could post twice today but don't have double stuff to say so will just post once. Let me see what did I do today.. hmmm well I washed some clothes. I cooked breakfast and lunch and made salad for dinner. Oh and I organized my thoughts. Yes I sometimes feel all jumbly inside my head and I have to put things in the right places. Sort of like cleaning house I guess.

Yesterday when we went to Micheals Mac found just the right little jewelry box for my bracelets. It's unfinished so I have been thinking about how I would like to finish it. I think for starters I'll paint it peach. Then I may paint some flowers on the top.. maybe white ones outlined in red. I'm not very talented though so might draw it on first cause otherwise I'll mess up. Might paint it tomorrow.

And today I figured out exactly how many picture frames and mattes I'll need to do the whole group of pictures.. also figured out sizes. They are gonna be fantastic.

Tomorrow I am hoping I can get out in the yard and do some trimming.. not sure I'll be able to, but it looks like a jungle out there so I sure hope so. Thinking of going to the cemetery on Sunday... all the days before that are supposed to be very windy... need to take those flowers down there.

American Idol results show tonight...

J

Well.. Dreaming is nice but...........

I checked on the price of publishing my book... it starts at $599 and there are add ons.. I didn't go through the whole thing. But I bet the add ons would add up. No way am I going to be able to save that much.. but I won't give up.. I'll still work on a poetry collection and perhaps I'll hit the lottery or inherit someones millions...

On a more real note.. I did a mile on the exercise bike.. took me almost fifteen minutes to do it. That's terrible.. but it's a lot better than if I'd done nothing. Yesterday the only thing I did was walk around walmart.. but that is a very big store.. still that's almost nothing..

Rain and more rain..... wind and more wind. Need some sunshine.

J

I had a thought today....

I never get bored.. never. Sometimes when I'm just sitting and people think I'm doing nothing, I am in actuality doing a great deal.. I think and I plan.. and sometimes dream. One cannot be bored when they are thinking can they? Anyway today I was looking on Amazon for a book when I came across a book published by a fellow who was in our poetry group... he self published. I thought how totally awesome it would be to see one of my books in print.. but how could I manage such a thing..? I wrote and asked him how much it cost to publish his book. I know it's not nice to ask people what they pay for this or that, but I wanted to know. Well, turns out for one of his books he paid three hundred dollars and for another he paid five hundred dollars.. Now that's really not that steep, except for the fact I don't have it.. lol. But I think I could save it. I think if I saved a few dollars each month I might have enough in a year to go ahead and get a book published... I already have Mar'grit written.. and I have enough poems written to make several books. I really want to do this.. I really really do.

I bought an ink cartridge today so I can print the rest of the floral arrangement pictures. Then I need to get the frames and mattes and work on those.. That's really the only project I have in mind that costs anything. After I get that done I could start saving.

I dream a lot.. but it could be done, couldn't it?

J

Back to exercising...

Yes that's what I decided today... I must get back to my exercising.. yesterday was great because I walked miles.. Last month I made a calendar with daily exercises printed on it. I did fairly well the first part of the month, but then several things happened.. we went camping, then we had this to do and that to do and I got out of the rhythm of it all. When I did start back I overdid it and hurt my knee so then I stopped. Now I think I've finally wised up and know that I can't follow a strict plan because I never know how my knee or other joints are going to be. So what I've done is make a blank calendar and each day I will write in the exercise I did that particular day.. So having the calendar means I am committed to exercise but don't have to do a particular one on a particular day. As long as I do something then that's good. I can do what my joints allow me to do... but I cannot let a joint pain excuse me from doing something. I read a good quote about that once.. hmmm let me see if I can find it...

I am only one,But still I am one.
I cannot do everything, But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Edward Everett Hale

I rather think he meant we should probably help others, but as with any quote we take it and put our own interpretation to it.. Right now I'm taking it for me, meaning just because I can't do heavy pushups or jumping jacks doesn't mean I can't do something. Today I did 65 pulls on the cardioglide, 40 knee strengthening lifts on each leg, forty side to side back strengthening and 20 back lifts.. hate exercise but I feel better when I do it.

Rain and rain and more rain.. windy too. I didn't step one foot out the door all day long....maybe tomorrow. J

Walking is exercise...

And walk I did. First we went to Gottchalks.. that's a really big store. They are closing though, hate that... I didn't buy anything but I looked a lot... then we went to the new Trader Joes.. had to park on a hill and walk. It was crowded. Opening day. Then we went to Winco. That's a big store too. The parking lot was crowded and we walked a lot... Wish I would have had my pedometer on.. but it needs a battery.

That is the sum total of everything I did today....was just tired after that. Walking is hard without the arthritis meds. If I dont lose some weight soon I'm going back to taking them twice a day. Too hard to be in this much pain.

Tomorrow I'll get out my to do list and decide what to do next.. As soon as the weather gets nice again I will make the trip to Redding by myself and go to Micheals to get started on the frames and mattes for the pictures. I am going to do this. I am. It's what I want to do and so therefore I AM.

J