Last day of May

This is the last picture of me before my brain surgery... Awful.

I have forgotten when I wrote here last. I had intended to write daily but then I intend to do many things and sometimes I do but there are times I just don't. Like I have intended trying to write poetry again, but don't. Why? I can't think of anything to write about. I have intended to get the pictures all in albums, at least I'm working on that.. got so far behind when I got sick. I'm still working on 2010 pictures. I was caught up but then life went on, things happened and I stopped. I thought I was stopped forever. I thought I'd never be able to use my hands again. I'd never be able to focus, to walk or even to think. I don't know what I thought because sometimes I couldn't even think. I existed. Lost time. Didn't enjoy anything. Didn't do anything, I just was there. A lump of breathing flesh who stopped living, stopped thinking, stopped planning. Mac would say, "When you get better we'll....." and to myself I'd think that will never happen because this is the way I'm going to be. This is me from now on and forever. This is what I've become. But it wasn't like that. It was the tumor. I can look back and see two years ago when I noticed changes..little ones at first and then after knee replacement more and then after the first surgery it was so obvious that something was wrong but no one, no doctor picked up on it. That's all I have to say tonight except who cares if I sleep half the night in the bed and half the night in the chair. At least I'm here and able to get up and down by myself, able to type this, able to read and write and eat by myself. Able to shower and wash my own hair, able to draw on my own eyebrows and brush my own teeth. Able to cook my own cream of wheat and beat the eggs for scrambled eggs. Able to open the can of peaches, to comb my hair, to wash my clothes and make gravy. Able to pull some weeds, dehead the flowers and prune the bushes. I can step on the scales by myself, get in the pickup and walk up and down the stairs. I am no longer completely dependent on anyone for everything. I'm thankful for those who helped me and took care of me but I'm so thankful I can now do it myself. Yea for independence at least almost. Nite. J